Begin with Peter in the room full of experimental spiders... which then proceed to drop onto him.
Peter: AHH! OH MY GOSH, GET THEM OFF ME! WHAT WAS I THINKING?! AH, THIS ROOM IS FULL OF SPIDERS! WHY DID I EVEN COME IN HERE?! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!
Cue title of video. We see Uncle Ben Talk to Peter.
Uncle Ben: So, Peter, in conclusion, responsibility and choice and importance and things and stuff. You understand what I'm saying?
Peter: Are you saying "With great power, comes great responsibility"?
Uncle Ben: Yes! That's it. That's it exactly. Thank you, I couldn't have said it better myself. Good job. Good talk, Peter.
Aunt May: SOMEBODY GO GET ME SOME EGGS ALREADY!
Fast forward to the end of the saving people from cars scene.
Father: You saved my boy. Thank you. Who are you?
Spider-Man: I'm Spider-Man.
Father: So you gonna go down there and save those other cars now?
Spider-Man: I'm actually kind of busy all of a sudden but I'm sure they'll be fine.
Fast Forward to Doc Conners finishing up typing up his plans with a lizard on his shoulder.
Conners: Well, that completes the animation of my evil plan. I'll now set it to loop in case anyone should stumble by and is curious about what this is all about.
Tiny Lizard: Whisper whisper whisper.
Conners: What's that?!
Tiny Lizard: Whisper whisper whisper.
Conners: Oooooh, you're right. I probably shouldn't leave this thing running for everyone to see. (turns off his computer) Thanks, little friend. I'm glad that there are hundreds of you following me around to tell me these things.
Fast forward to the crane scene.
Spider-Man: (swinging) Wow, this is incredibly perfect how these cranes all lined up for me! Haha! I couldn't have asked for a better situa-. (web shooters are empty) Oh no, I've run out of web! (falls to his death) AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!
Fast forward to... Actually, I'll add in the bonus scene. Lizard has unmasked Peter and chokes him with his tail.
Lizard: Poor Peter Parker. No father, no mother, no uncle, all alone.
Peter: Actually, that's not true.
Lizard: I'm sorry?
Peter: I'm not alone.
Lizard: Yes you are! I just named half a bunch of people in your family who are gone! So you're alone.
Peter: Not really. I still have an aunt and a really foxy girlfriend.
Lizard: Poor Peter, not even an Avenger.
Peter: Probably gonna be friends with Flash later.
Peter: I'm really smart.
Peter: Probably gonna do really well after I graduate.
Peter: Maybe even become a photographer.
Lizard: POOR PETER PARKER! YOU'RE ALL ALONE!
Peter: Says the full-grown man who now wants to live in the sewers as a lizard. Poor Peter? Poor Doctor Conners!
Lizard: Nu-uh! Not me! Poor... Poor Peter!
Peter: Poor, lives in the sewers and wants to be a lizard, Doctor Conners.
Lizard: No! You're the-! You want to be a lizard!
Peter: I'm a spider.
Lizard: Oh whatever! Poor Peter Parker, you're all alone!
Cpt. Stacy: (aiming a shotgun at Lizard's face) No he isn't.
Fast forward to Cpt. Stacy's death.
Cpt. Stacy: Just promise meone thing. Leave Gwen out of it so that she'll be safe.
Peter: Okay. I promise.
Fast forward to the ending of the movie.
Teacher: Don't make promises you can't keep.
Peter: (whispering to Gwen) Yeah, but those are the best kind.
Gwen: (Seething) WHAT?!
(Cut to present day in the Super Cafe)
Batman: You did not say that! (begins laughing)
Spider-Man: Why are you guys laughing? Stop laughing at me.
Superman: Okay, I PROMISE I won't laugh.
Batman: Don't make promises you can't keep.
Superman: Why? Those are the best kind. (chuckles) Man, if that were true, anyone could get away with anything.
Batman: I know, right?
Spider-Man: You Guys! I was trying to be sweet for my girlfriend.
Batman: Yeah, after you made her suffer through her father's death all alone.
Superman: Yeah, you're in the doghouse, dude.
Spider-Man: Yeah, but... She'll get over it, right?
Batman: Good luck.
Spider-Man: Aw, man.
Batman: You know what I would have done?
Superman: Thrown a batarang at him?
Batman: Probably, but I would've also used that antidote IMMEDIATELY on Doc Conners when he was temporarily froze then Gwen's dad doesn't have to die at all.
Spider-Man: What about all the other cops that were turning into lizards?
Batman: Well, they would change back to humans after one day, right?
Batman: You also had that lizard formula in your hands BEFORE Captain Stacey died. Why not give him a little dose? Maybe it's regenerative powers would heal his wounds.
Spider-Man: Wow, I did not think about that. You are totally right.
Batman: Well, I'm Batman.
Superman: I would have just reversed time, saved everyone.
Spider-Man: I can't believe this. I'm so embarrassed.
Superman: Don't worry, kid. It could've been worse.
Emo Peter from Spider-Man 3 walks past. Spider-Man looks to see if he was imagining it.
Batman: It could've been a LOT worse.
Cut back to the school library.
Stan Lee: What the-?! Who the heck trashed up my library?! (points at The Avengers) Was it you, Stark?! Thor?! Hulk, I'll bet it was you! Wasn't it?!
Iron Man: But... we aren't even in this story, Generalisimo.
Stan Lee: (thinks for three seconds) I've got my eye on you. (backs away)
YouTube Outro. Spider-Man is on the roof of Oscorp Tower.
Spider-Man: Hey, guys, hope you enjoyed the video. Thank you so much to everyone who left comments to help write the script, and an even bigger thank you goes to the one and only Stan Lee. Please help us say thank you by subscribing to his channel, Stan Lee's World of Heroes. They were so awesome to want to be a part of this project and we think you guys would love what they're doing over there so go check them out. Okay, well, thank you so much for watching and, um-.
Raimi Spider-Man: (crying) I don't understand! You sit in the cafe, and cool web-shooters, and get the real Stan Lee, and the hot blonde! It's not fair.
Spider-Man: Okay, well, I'm gonna deal with this guy and you guys have a good week.
Raimi Spider-Man: (crying) I'm Spider-Man!
Spider-Man: See ya.