CHARACTERS (In Order of Appearance)
Stan Lee (cameo)
Richard & Mary Parker
Harry Osborn/Green Goblin
Gwen Stacy gives her graduation speech, which leads to her talking about death, including girlfriends. Stan Lee pops in and mentions it being a spoiler alert.
The assassin sent to kill Richard & Mary Parker in a private jet pops upon them but finds no one. Meanwhile, Richard and Mary hide in the underground subway train. Mary says she likes it there, and Richard says he agrees until someone throws his calculator. Mary hopes it would be her son.
Harry Osborn sits by his father, Norman's side as he is dying from a disease which he says is genetic. Harry proceeds to say that Norman kept that secret all this time. Norman says that he is growing long fingernails and is shedding skin like a "Goblin". Harry says he's weird, and Norman says he hates Harry but gives him his "life's work".
The Scientists (from "How Spider-Man 3 Should Have Ended") leave for the weekend, deciding not to close the lid on the electric eel's tank. One suggests that they do, to which they close the lid. Seconds later, Max Dillon falls on the lid possibly breaking his body.
Harry Osborn confronts Spider-Man about giving him his blood. Spider-Man suggests it will kill him but Harry says that he won't inject a needle into his arm and that he's got scientists that can make his blood a cure. Harry also says Spider-Man is Peter Parker, and Spider-Man tries to dismiss it. However, Harry says he isn't even "disguising his voice".
Electro shocks Spider-Man at the Oscorp Plant, to which he says he is making dubstep and should go into the business. Later, Electro takes Spider-Man's advice and performs at a concert.
Harry tries to pilot the Goblin Glider but crashes.
Gwen Stacy falls from the clock tower and as Spider-Man catches her with his web, her head hits the pavement, killing her. Peter sobs holding her body. Sometime later, a devastated and now crazy Peter Parker holds a gun at Batman's head at the Super Cafe. He says he wants Superman to reverse time to save Gwen, like how he saved Lois Lane in Superman (1978), or he will shoot Batman in the head. Superman replies he hasn't done that since the 70's and doesn't want to do it again. Peter threatens to shoot Batman, "the mortal man", and he says his parents died, his uncle died, Gwen, and having seen his Dad at Gwen's grave, saying he doesn't know if anything is real anymore. Superman suggests Spider-Man forgetting about it, and Batman suggests making a comeback as the Rhino is wrecking up the town block. Peter says he doesn't care and that the police will handle it. Meanwhile, the Rhino introduces himself before being shot in the head. Back at the cafe, Peter starts yelling in shock to reverse time. Moments later, Superman finally having reversed time, Gwen is in the Cafe with a masked Spider-Man and says they will move to England. Batman says he knew Superman reversed time because "he's Batman".
During the credits, Electro celebrates his birthday at the Villain Pub and his dubstep album goes platinum, Harry cures himself of his retroviral hyperplasia, and Spider-Man joins the Marvel Cinematic Universe thanks to Sony and Marvel making a deal and Avengers 3 apparently "Blew Our Minds".
Gwen: We all lose the people that are important in our lives and that's okay because today, we are graduating. But someday we won't be here. Someday we are all going to die. Especially your girlfriends.
Stan Lee: Jeez, talk about Spoiler Alert!
Cue title. We begin with the plane scene. When Osborne's henchman enters to kill the Parkers, he finds the plane empty. Cut to the subway where Richard and Mary hide themselves in that train.
Mary: This is a perfect hiding place.
Richard: Yes. Unless someone throws my calculator against a wall.
Mary: Ooh! I hope it's our son!
Fast forward to Harry meeting his dad for the last time.
Norman: Retro Viral Hypoplasia. I never told you... it's genetic.
Harry: You've known that all this time and you pick now to tell me?
Norman: You think I care about you. Look at my fingernails. My skin is peeling off like a goblin.
Harry: Ugh, gross! You know what? I'm not even going to overreact to this. You've lived a pretty long life, plus we have like tons of money.
Norman: Goblin disease! It's coming for you! (coughs)
Harry: You're really weird, Dad.
Norman: I hate you, Son. Here, have my life's work. (throws it at Harry)
Fast forward to... those incompetent scientists from Spider-Man 3 watching the tank of Eels.
Scientist 1: Tanks full of eels. You close the lid for the weekend?
Scientist 2: Yeah, it's probably alright.
Scientist 3: Here's a bright idea. Why don't you make SURE the lid is closed before someone falls in from three stories up and electrically mutates the crap out of himself just because you were too lazy to safely run this electric eel power plant.
Scientist 2: UGH, fine!
The lid gets closed. Scientist 2 looks up.
Scientist 2: Hey, that kind of like a guy up there.
Max hits the lid then hits he ground, snapping his own spine.
Scientist 2: Hey look, someone DID almost fall in the tank.
Fast forward to Spider-Man meeting Harry.
Harry: I need your blood, man. It could save my life.
Spider-Man: I don't know. It seems so unsafe. It could kill you.
Harry: Oh my gosh, dude! I'm not gonna inject it straight into my arm! I've got a team of expect scientists that will work your blood into a cure.
Spider-Man: Oh, alright then. I'll meet with your scientists. It's not like I wanted you to die or anything.
Harry: Of course you don't. We're best friends, Peter.
Spider-Man: Whaaaaaaaaat?! Who's Peter?
Harry: (deadpan) You're not even disguising your voice.
Fast forward to Max beating up Spider-Man with that dubstep version of The Itsy-Bitsy Spider.
Spider-Man: Wow, that's actually really impressive!
Electro: What? (sets Spider-Man down)
Spider-Man: Have you ever considered Dubstep?
Electro: Dub Step? (makes another dubstep noise)
Spider-Man: Yeah, dubstep, man. Kids love that stuff. I bet you'd be great at it.
One booked concert later...
Electro: YOU SEE ME!
Dubstep song: ♪Don't you know? I'm Electro! Don't you know?♪
Fast forward to Green Goblin activating his glider.
Green Goblin: (loosing control) I've no idea how to fly this thing! AAAAAAAAAAAAAGGHHHHH! (crashes)
We see Gwen's death. Cut to later in The Super Cafe. Spider-Man points a gun at Batman's head.
Spider-Man: You reverse time right now!
Superman: WHOA, DUDE!
Batman: What's going on?
Superman: I did not see this coming.
Spider-Man: I've seen you do it, man! You used time travel to save your girlfriend! Now, you use it to save mine!
Superman: I haven't done that since the 70's, dude. I'm trying to not do that anymore.
Spider-Man: I'm not kidding, man! You turn back time right now and fix this! I'm losing it! She was my everything!
Superman: I know but I just can't change-.
Spider-Man: I lost my parents! My uncle died! Now this! I even thought I saw my dad at Gwen's grave! I don't know what's real anymore, man!
Superman: Okay. Just calm down. Look at yourself, this is not you.
Spider-Man: I will shoot this mortal man in the face!
Batman: Easy there, kid. Let's not-. I mean, you couldn't shoot me even if you wanted to.
Spider-Man: And why is that?!
Superman: Because I'm faster than a speeding bullet.
Batman: No, because I'm Batman!
Superman: Would you stop?! You're not helping! Come on, Parker, the city needs you. I know this is hard but this is what defines you.
Batman: Yeah. Plus, there's this giant rhino conveniently terrorising the block right now for you to make your comeback.
Spider-Man: Nobody cares! The cops can handle it!
(Cut to outside. Rhino reveals his face)
Rhino: I am ze Rhino and I vill-. (gets shot in the head)
(Cut back inside)
Spider-Man: (pointing the gun at Superman) You turn back time!
Superman: I can't! It's just-. Dude, really?
Spider-Man: Turn back the time!
Superman: I can't.
Spider-Man: Yes, you can!
Superman: It's not that simple.
Spider-Man: Do it now!
Superman: It's not right.
Batman: This is so stupid.
Spider-Man: I miss her so much!
Superman: Take it easy.
Spider-Man: Turn it back! Turn it BACK! TURN IT BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK!
Later. Gwen is alive again. Batman looks confused.
Gwen: So we're moving to London.
Batman: You reversed time, didn't you?
Superman: How did you know that?
Batman: BECAUSE I'M BATMAN!
A photo of Electro in The Villain Pub is shown.
Photo: Electro got his birthday party and his album went platinum.
A photo of a cured Harry is shown.
Photo: Harry figured out a cure and everything turned out fine.
A photo of Spider-Man is shown. With him are Iron Man, Pepper Potts, Iron Patriot, Nick Fury, Hulk, Black Widow, Thor, Hawkeye, Captain America's ghost, Falcon, Star-Lord, Drax, a green Uhura, Rocket, and Groot.
Photo: Sony made a deal with Disney and Avengers 3 blew ALL of our minds!