How The Avengers Age of Ultron Should Have Ended - Part Two
Transcript[]
Previously on HISHE, Ultron used his powers over the Internet to shut down every source of technology the Avengers owned and successfully did his plan of nuking the world with the remains of Sokovia. Superman and Batman were the sole survivors, and as Superman rotated the Earth to turn back time, Batman explained his survival as because he's...
Batman: (in a restored Cafe) BATMA-! What the-? Oh, he's gone.
Cut to the Quinjet.
Tony: Hey, do you mind if I study the scepter for a few days?
Thor: Of course. I do not see any harm in leaving it in your hands rather than just taking straight to Asgard right now-
Superman arrives.
Superman: (blocking Tony) DO NOT LET HIM STUDY THAT SCEPTER!
Fast forward to the cave scene.
Selvig: Thor, you promised danger. So far, all that's happened is you've undressed and gotten into this cave pool. I can't help but feel like something's missing.
Thor: I'M HAVING A VISION! (splashes, making Thor noises)
Selvig: Alright, I'm out. (leaves)
Fast forward to the train scene.
Captain America: We have to do something! Does anyone know how to stop a runaway train?
???: I'VE GOT IT!
Steve, Wanda & Piettro go to the front of the train to see...
Spider-Man: JUST YOUR FRIENDLY NEIGHBORHOOD, MARVEL UNIVERSE SPIDER-MAN!
Fast forward to The Avengers facing Ultron and his army.
Thor: Is that the best you can do?!
Ultron: (summoning his army) This is the best that I can do. It's just what I wanted. All of you against all of me-me-me-me-me!
All of the Ultrons get turned into a giant metal ball. The Avengers' saviour floats towards them to say something.
Magneto: (pointing at Wanda and Piettro) Those two are my children!
Wanda: Vhat?!
Magneto: (floating upwards) And we are called Mutants!
Fast forward to Hawkeye about to be killed by a hijacked Quinjet until Quicksilver saves Hawkeye...
Singer: If I could save time in a bottle of time
Then I could save all of the time
Blew blew blew
Fast forward.
But THIS is how it really should have ended...
Vision, Tony, and Thor melt Ultron for bit until Thor and Tony stop for no reason.
Vision: What? Why are you stopping?
Thor: I thought you were stopping.
Iron Man: Yeah, are we not stopping?
Vision: Of course not!
Iron Man: Oh, okay.
They resume melting Ultron.
Ultron: Son of a-.
Captain America: Language!
Ultron explodes. Cut to later in The Super Cafe.
Tony: And then the strongest Ultron was dead. So we finished saving the world again.
The Avengers cheer.
Thor: The Age of Ultron is over.
Batman: I wouldn't call that an age.
Superman: Yeah, that was more like a week at best.
Batman: More like The Minor Setback of Ultron.
Tony: Hey, that's how we roll.
Wanda: Can you imagine if you let Big Ultron get avay for just little bit longer?
Quicksilver: One of us might've died. You can't have that.
Superman: Well, congratulations this time. You stopped an evil robot by creating a superhero that is pure and good, and shoots lasers, and is red, yellow and blue... and flies. (clears throat) Sounds familiar.
Vision: (to Batman) Do you want to ask me if I bleed?
Batman: No. But this guy's going to!
Superman: He's trying to pick a fight with me. It's not going to work.
Batman: Oh yes, it will. You are gonna bleed.
Superman: You mean just like your parents?
Everyone: Oooooooooooooooh!
Batman: You gettin' mad, bra?
Captain America: Now now! Nobody wants a civil war. Hehe... Right?
Thor: Oh no.
Falcon: No way, man. We're friends.
Quicksilver: I just got here.
Hulk: War baaaaaaad.
Three second silence.
Tony: I think that sounds kinda cool.
Everyone stares at Tony.
The End.
Batman: Hey, you wanna know my secret identity?
Wanda: Not really.
Batman: Girl, your accent is so bad, you make me want be good. Oh wait, I already am. Because I'm-. (Wanda makes him see his greatest fear) AFRAID OF BATS! (drops to the floor) BATS EVERYWHERE! GET THEM AWAY FROM ME! HEEEEERRRRRRRH! IT'S SO TERRIFYING!
Cut to The Villain Pub. Thanos, wearing a bow tie and waistcoat, puts on The Infinity Gauntlet.
Thanos: Fine, I'll do it myself.
Palpatine: (standing beside Thanos' chair/toilet) Yes, you will! Because if you want to work here, you shall do my bidding. Now plunge with all of your hatred.
Thanos plunges his chair.
Palpatine: Yes... I can feel your anger...